Some women are stuck in a relationship that doesn’t seem to go anywhere. He says he loves her, but where’s the ring? It’s been five years, and while he’s content to coast, she’s watching her friends walk down the aisle with me who are crazy about their new brides. What’s the deal? Is he a commitment phobe? Possibly, but there’s another answer that is more likely. Men need to be wanted and loved. They have a need to love and to give, but they can also be quite content to have regular sex with multiple women or even just one woman without ever being inspired to give her the world… and that includes the ring. So what inspires men out of their comfort zone to really going after the woman of their dreams?
A secret mission.
Now everyone reading this thinks I’m crazy. But let’s go inside the psychology of a man for a minute. Every man feels like he’s been put on this earth for a reason. Some may not even know what his purpose is. It’s so secret, he doesn’t even know it. Yet, he still feels there is a mission, something that he must accomplish during his lifetime. When he meets a woman whom he believes can help him fulfill his mission in life, he will make winning her over his new mission in order to have the life partner he needs to accomplish his real goals.
It’s been said, “Knowing is half the battle”. But I’m sure many who are reading this are feeling even more confused. “How can I show a man that I can help him complete his mission when he doesn’t even know what it is?” You do this by listening. What are his passions? Does he have hobbies or goals outside of work? Maybe his particular career is his main goal in life, but most of the time it’s not. It’s something deeper.
When I was dating my husband, we had some good theological discussions. I was thrilled that I could speak to someone who shared the same passion as me, and he in turn was amazed that he could have such conversations with a woman (and an attractive one at that). After two months of dating, he told me that in his first career he was a pastor. I was blown away by that statement because my secret wish was to be a pastor’s wife, but I knew that a woman my age who was divorced with two children probably didn’t have a chance. For the same reason, he also knew it wasn’t possible for him to pastor again, but he had also given up the idea of doing anything ministerial. For the first time, each of us knew that although our exact goals couldn’t be met but that together there was a possibility that we could move forward together. It wasn’t long after that he started talking about marriage, and the way he doted on me almost seemed magical.
In that story, you can see that in showing him I was the right woman to help him with a secret mission but that our secret missions corresponded. There was no reason for me to change who I was to meet his needs, and this is as equally important. You can’t be fake about being his secret mission partner. You have to make sure he’s also your secret mission partner.
Hopefully, you’re wondering if I’ve actually helped my dear husband with his life’s purpose. I’ll revisit this subject in time. Right now, if you’re single or single in a dead end relationship, I want you to keep this blog in mind as you look for the right guy. If you’re married, figure out his mission in life and start finding ways to help him achieve it. You will see an amazing transformation in your marriage.